What if there was one little thing that most of us do dozens of times per day — one little thing that you could change, and thereby improve every aspect of your life?
The not-so-little thing we’ll be looking at here is a popular activity called complaining. What’s wrong with complaining?
Let’s look at the “payoffs” of complaining first. What do we gain — or hope to gain — by complaining? Complaining may get you some sympathy (for a while). It can be used to establish a sense of bonding with another person or a group (a lot of break room gossip is based on this). We may think that complaining will motivate another person to improve their behavior (it usually has the opposite effect; see below for some clues to why this is so).
But these supposed “gains” come with a high price tag. Let’s look more closely at this seemingly innocent practice:
Complaining has at least two elements: 1) focusing on something that is wrong or displeasing and 2) expressing a negative emotion about that condition.
The first element puts you on shaky ground metaphysically, for it focuses your attention on what you don’t want. As you recall, it’s best to spend as little time as possible on that kind of focus, and to quickly re-direct your attention and efforts toward what you do want.
The second element deepens the impact of the first (any thought laced with emotion has a stronger impact on the unconscious mind), and adds the unspoken assumption that this undesirable condition has a lot of power over you. After all, you wouldn’t be feeling negative emotions unless you felt that your own happiness or well-being was threatened in some way.
Complaining also carries with it the assumption that you cannot easily correct the undesirable condition. After all if it was merely a snap of the fingers to correct the problem, you wouldn’t bother to complain — you’d just fix it and get on with your life. For example if you turn on the television and it is not on the channel you want to watch, you don’t assume a victim stance and start complaining over this undesirable state of affairs — you simply push a button on the remote and switch the set to the channel you prefer.
So please keep in mind that when you complain you are not only focusing on a condition that you do not want, you are also assuming a victim stance relative to that situation! You are, in effect, saying, “This situation really has the power to upset or hurt me, and furthermore I don’t have the ability to correct it easily.”
If you are sincere about applying the Law of Attraction in your life, ask yourself: What results are you going to attract if you broadcast those kinds of messages to yourself and to the Universe?
Now, sometimes (for example as part of our job) we are required to look at and discuss something that is wrong — usually with a view to improving the situation. How can we do this without complaining?
First let’s distinguish complaining from simply noting that something is wrong. If I say, “It’s 82 degrees in here,” I am not complaining. If I say, “Geez, it’s hot in here!” that is complaining.
If you say, “Profits are down by 10% this month,” that is not complaining. If you say, “I’ve had it with this stupid recession,” then you are complaining.
Can you see why, even when negative facts need to be discussed, complaining should not be an option? If a fact is displeasing to you, keep your discussions about it as brief and as neutral as possible. Re-focus quickly on what you want instead, always with the attitude that solutions are possible and that you will find or create them.
Let’s suppose you’ve just noticed something that is not what you want. You don’t like it. Fair enough. You want to change it. That’s fine — just don’t empower the problem by complaining about it. Complaining can only make things worse. Once you get clear on that, you’ll find better ways to respond when undesirable conditions arise.
I encourage you to start now by becoming aware of the habit of complaining as you are currently practicing it. Add up the costs of complaining, and you’ll see that if you want to move forward on a path of happiness, well-being and success, you cannot afford to keep practicing this toxic habit.
Watch and listen to the people around you. Notice what complaining does to their facial expressions and tone of voice. As you become more aware, you’ll start to wonder how you could have indulged in this unattractive and destructive habit for so long!
Try taking it one day at a time. Resolve as you start your day that you will find creative and enlightened alternatives to complaining, and will use those whenever you are tempted to complain.
Pretend that you will be billed $100 every time you complain. If you catch yourself in mid-complaint, stop and correct course. Soon you’ll find that you are turning your thoughts and words to a more productive channel before a complaint can even form on your lips. Your life will quickly improve, and you’ll have fewer and fewer issues that would tempt you to complain in the first place.
As a bonus, you’ll be about 1000% more attractive and appealing to the people around you. It’s win-win!
