Have you ever noticed how rare it is to find a truly caring person — one who sincerely cares about you and wishes you well, without any desire to get anything from you? Have you wondered why this is so?
Whether you are searching for a mate, or just hoping to create some friendships with people who will truly be there for you when the chips are down, you may have noticed that most of your “prospects” eventually turn out to be pretty self-centered and uncaring. If this describes some of the key people in your life, read on.
Most people are not very conscious, and thus are limited in their ability to feel and express genuine concern for others. Since most people are focused nearly 24/7 on meeting their own needs, they tend to value others chiefly as means to meeting those needs. Keeping these facts in mind will clear up a lot of confusion about most relationships.
This is one of the main reasons why so many people are disappointed in love. The prospective partner practically glows with attention and consideration early in the relationship — during the “pursuit” stage — but quickly cools off (and lapses into being critical and inconsiderate) once the “target” has given themselves physically and emotionally.
And if both partners are coming at it from an unconscious, need-based perspective (which is often the case) it is a sure bet that hurt feelings and disappointments will soon abound. True love and fulfillment can only be found when both partners are sufficiently conscious to rise above self-centeredness and work together to build (and maintain) a solid, high-quality connection.
When someone seeks a truly good relationship — be it a friendship, business collaboration or romantic partnership — they are seeking something truly exceptional. Let’s be clear about this right up front: if you are looking for a truly supportive, ethical, conscious person to fill an important role in your life, you are looking for an exceptional person!
That’s OK, you can have one — to the extent that you are willing to raise your consciousness and live on a higher level of awareness, consideration and caring yourself. The way out of the low-quality relationship trap is to first of all define clearly the qualities you prefer (refuse to settle for less even if you think that means you will be alone), and secondly to be the kind of person you are hoping to find as a partner.
Meanwhile, cherish the few! Instead of bemoaning that all men/women are self-centered and shallow, seek out evidence of at least one or two who are exceptional. You only need one! So let’s forget about what the unconscious masses are doing, and focus on the qualities we are really looking for.
Let’s say you are a woman looking for a man who will be a truly wonderful mate. Instead of focusing on the shortcomings of most of the men you have ever known (this can be very tempting after you’ve been hurt a few times), look for at least one example of a man — anywhere — who seems to be head and shoulders above the rest.
It doesn’t matter whether he is living or not (he could be a historical figure, for example), someone you know personally or not. He may be married or single, available or not, it doesn’t matter. What DOES matter is that you start to define for yourself what qualities make for a truly wonderful male partner, and then start inwardly acknowledging and appreciating those qualities everywhere you find them.
This will change you — and your relationships — in ways you can’t even imagine. Most of us don’t realize how much negativity we are broadcasting, especially in areas of our lives where we have had significant hurt, disappointment or loss. Most of us have little idea how extensively these negative thoughts and attitudes are affecting our relationships and experiences.
The point is not “Have you been hurt or disappointed in the past?” but “What would you like to experience from now on?” Maybe all the men you ever got close to you hurt you, cheated on you, let you down. Take this as a huge, flashing neon sign telling you to WAKE UP and change your course!
Don’t blame the men — the fact is that most men and women are fairly unconscious and selfish, as discussed above. Just realize that you didn’t know then what you are learning now, and you got fooled. As you acquire new knowledge and apply a more enlightened approach, you can avoid similar experiences and move on to the joyful, fulfilling life you seek.
NOTE: If you would like to greatly accelerate the process of upgrading the relationships (and everything else) in your life, you can do so by applying the techniques discussed in this article.
